


Quahog's Gain is the Enterprise's Loss

by SorchaR



Category: Family Guy, Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Ephebophilia, Kink Meme, M/M, what is this I don't even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-12
Updated: 2011-09-12
Packaged: 2017-10-23 16:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorchaR/pseuds/SorchaR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. Herbert (the old guy that's always hitting on Chris on <i>Family Guy</i>) on the Enterprise. Inspired long ago by something on the ST:XI kink meme, so long ago that I have no idea what it was. I also have no idea what possessed me to write this, but I don't think I ever did. Dear Lord, I apologize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quahog's Gain is the Enterprise's Loss

Chekov is headed for the gym to practice fencing with Sulu when he encounters the lone survivor of the Quahog colony – the colony which, according to the distress calls the Enterprise picked up, was improbably destroyed by a sociopathic infant.

Chekov doesn't know if that's true or if there was some sort of mass hysteria going on, but if he has to fend off the amorous Mr. Herbert one more time, he's going to destroy something as well. In the past six days, he's been propositioned more than in the seventeen years leading up to them, and it's not nearly as exciting as one might think when the one doing the propositioning is an aged, decrepit pedophile.

"Well, hello there, Curly-Top," Mr. Herbert drawls in his high-pitched way. "Do ya like Rigelian popsicles? I got some in my quarters."

"No, I do not like popsicles," Chekov replies, trying to slide around Mr. Herbert's hovering motion device but being blocked by his ancient dog lolling in the middle of the corridor . "If you will excuse, please, I am on my way to gym to fence."

Mr. Herbert sighs. "Mm, maybe I could come and watch. You and one of your muscley young friends, all sweaty and out of breath...Sounds like good times."

Chekov groans inwardly, but before he can say anything, he hears the welcome voice of Dr. McCoy behind him. "Herbert, if I catch you hitting on Ensign Chekov one more time, if I even hear of you doing it, so help me I'll inject you with Hesperan Thumping Cough and pretend I thought it was your vitamins."

"Now, there's no need to be ugly," Mr. Herbert replies. "I'll just move along."

As he coasts past, Chekov yelps and jumps about three feet. "He groped me!" he declares indignantly, but Mr. Herbert has already rounded the corner.

"Aw, where did the nasty old man touch you?" McCoy asks with a smirk, stepping closer. Chekov's back is against the wall and McCoy leans against it, looming over him.

Chekov pouts. "He touched my private parts! Only one nasty old man is allowed to touch my private parts."

"Damn straight," McCoy retorts, reaching down to cup the offended area as his lips graze the edge of Chekov's ear. "But baby, you call me 'old' again and my feelings might just get hurt."


End file.
